Friday, October 31, 2014

[ Finding Me ]

I have been a mum for 16 months and some extra days. I count from the months from when I knew I was pregnant until now because since I found out, I've been changing. I worked at a private Christian college and for the most part enjoyed my job. I enjoyed that it was both predictable yet had enough flexibility that a Type A person would still thrive and find their groove. I loved the people I worked with and learned so much about leaning into relationships and creating community where ever you are, that I am so thankful for my almost-3 years there.

Something changed when I found out I was pregnant. I began to see things a bit differently. Looking more towards the future, who I was becoming and what I would be after I had a baby. I was all about not letting Bitty Baby define me, and the fear that she would define me, was real, tangible and my biggest fear before having her. I wasn't worried about nursing, late nights, or knowing what to do when she was crying. I figured those answers would come as I needed them, or I would call upon the mothers I have in my life to figure out what I should do. I was fearful of who I would be once I no longer worked or had regular interactions with co-workers, friends and just grown-ups in general. I was excited to be a mum, excited for being the one that would have the opportunity to raise a little one to know and experience God's love, but I also wanted to continue to grow as an individual seeking out what God has called me to do.

Fast forward to Beckett Joy being almost 7 months old. This gal rocks my stinkin' socks off. Her personality is spunky, independent and loving. She is going to be fierce. I am so thankful I get to be her mum. She has taught me that I am stronger than I knew. That I have more love than I ever knew was possible. That I have so much more in me than I ever knew.

My fear of being defined by her has become less of a fear and more of a friend that keeps pushing me to discover new abilities and passions. My love for all things web, design, social media & all that wonderful jazz has begun to take shape in a way that I didn't even know was a possibility. I've been given ways to serve my local church and others in my life with what God has gifted me to do. It has made me realized that my fear of being defined by my Bitty Baby was a good thing. It's been a beautiful 7 months of lots of growing as an individiual, a wife and a mum. I love it and would not trade it for the world, even on the worst of days.

Fear can be a beautiful thing when you allow 
God to work through it to discover who you can be. 

And just because she's so dang cute, here's one more... just in case you read this with hopes of seeing Miss B!

Friday, August 8, 2014

[ 4 Months New! ]

Baby girl is 4 months old today! 

She is full of smiles, giggles and a strong desire to be on her independent even though that's pretty much impossible! She just wants to stand, tries so hard to roll over and has such a determination to grab each of her toys. 

I love spending my days with this little gal!

There are challenging moments and days- for sure! But days like today when she is all smiles, makes me remember why I do this. It helps me remember why I choose to spend my days with my little human... to teach, to show, to love, to nurture... and oh how I love it! These past couple weeks she has learned so much from grabbing toys, trying to roll, to learning that she can stand when we hold her up... It just amazes me how quickly she is learning and growing. God made babies to just be amazing and Miss Beckett is not falling short of that by any means!

Her favorite discovery? Her tongue. It's poking out at least 60% of her day!

Thursday, May 22, 2014

[ 6 Weeks & No Redos ]

Baby Girl was 6 weeks on Tuesday.

6 weeks.

In 6 weeks, I've been puked on, pooped on, fallen asleep sitting up, cried out of frustration, cried out of sheer sleepiness and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

I love that Baby Girl is smiling when her daddy and I talk to her, or when I get her out of her crib in the morning, or when she's a little milk-drunk. I love that her eyes are an incredible blue, that changed over from her grey color. I love picking out her little clothes. I love watching her and her daddy spend time on the floor, enjoying and getting to know each other. I love the funny little noises she makes when you put in her soother (pacifier).

Still, I'd redo the nights when she slept for 2 hours at a time or cried for 3 hours straight (although, I really like it when she doesn't do that!). I'd redo those not-so-fun times just because I learned what she needed, how she ticks and got to spend time with her, getting to know all of the little things she does.

In 6 weeks, I've learned that she likes to look at contrasting colors, loves being outside and usually falls asleep if you go for a walk outdoors. When she's been screaming for twenty minutes or so, Jay or I switch whoever is holding her and walah! she almost always calms down.

Baby Girl is an amazing little girl. I figured I'd like being a mum. I absolutely love it. There's no other place I'd rather be!
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