Thursday, February 21, 2013

Am I Enough?

A woman of many to do lists, constant ideas of efficiency and effectiveness and a touch of perfectionism mixed into the lot, I've really struggled with being enough. I have had many days when I've felt like I am not enough. This measuring stick held up by myself, but standards set by society, create a level of anxiety that for years I have struggled with.  Despite crossing everything off on my to-do list, I still felt like I missed something vital, something that will make me "measure up more," but measure up to what? I could never find that end answer. 

My mother has often inspired me to make decisions not based on tradition or guilt, but to do things motivated out of love, things propelled by a deeper purpose. She shared a blog link this past week that summed up my thoughts and feelings surrounding the idea that I'm not enough from Rachel Held Evans: Enough. She talks about being the ideal woman, referring to Proverbs 31. I'm not sure if you've ever read Proverbs 31, but after I read it for the first time, I knew I was doomed if that was how a truly Biblical woman lived. After the first couple verses where it talks about rising before dawn, I knew I was a goner. I'm working on mornings...

But hope is found when Rachel Held Evans continues and talks about another woman in the Bible, Ruth. Ruth was different. She didn't fit the mold and immediately I am in sync with what I'm reading.  Yes, I am enough. In God's eyes, I am enough. I've been digging into God's grace, love and the idea- no, the promise- that I'm made the way I am for a beautiful reason. When I struggle with not being enough, when I feel inadequate, insecure, boring, not skinny enough, love romantic or intimate enough, too messy and unorganized, when I feel these things, I know it's wrong. I'm not perfect and that's the beauty of me. To do lists and efficiencies aside, beautifully human is how I was made.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Learning Lent

Today is a beautiful day.

Wednesdays are always a slump day for me. You're right in the middle of your week, not quite to the weekend, but still in full gear.

But this morning was different.

For Lent, I gave up sleeping in. I didn't set a lofty goal of saying that I'd be up by 5am everyday for coffee and quiet time, because I know that I'm not a morning person and wouldn't have been able to function the rest of the day. However, I have been getting up around 6 and enjoying my mornings. I listen to music or prayer podcasts. I enjoy the sunrise. I enjoy my coffee.

However, it's not all bunnies and unicorns and rainbows. It's been 1 week today, and there have more morning where I have been tempted to stay in my warm bed and not brave the frigid 52 degrees that our bedroom averages. But that's the point right? I'm learning obedience, even when I am tired, even when I'm cold, even when I just don't feel like it. I'm learning self-discipline- something that seems to come easier to others but that talent or gene skipped right over me. Yet, there is something special about it not being easy. There's something to be gained by choosing to do something for Jesus.

This morning, was a good morning even though I was cold and a bit tired. I was rewarded with a reminder that I'm loved.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Cookie Genius

Follow my blog with Bloglovin For those with gluten intolerance, sensitivity or those that have been blessed with full-blown Celiac, I always appreciate when I find new tips or tricks. The Hubs loves cookies, especially the Boda family recipe for chocolate chip cookies. I've struggled for the past 2 years with flat cookies that resemble pancakes more than cookies or mushy piles of who-knows-what. Cookies are a delicate science and those who baked gluten free know that I am actually not kidding. I've found a couple of tips that have been very beneficial to my cookie makin':

1. Don't completely melt the butter, just soften it. It might mean that you need to check it a couple more times if you're heating it in the microwave, but it'll be worth it.

2. Use Xathan Gum. It helps do what normal flour would be doing and keeps the dough together. For a regular batch of cookies, I use about 1 tablespoon. It may seem like a lot, but they are cookies and well worth it!

3. Let your dough chill for at least 30 minutes before you spoon it onto a pan. This makes the whole cookie-makin' process a bit longer, but it helps to keep cookies from melting into puddles on the pan in the over.

4. Freeze cookie dough balls for future use. The Hubs loves cookies but I don't want to make 2 dozen cookies and have them hanging around the kitchen. I freeze an entire pan of cookie dough balls, which one they are frozen can be store in an airtight container and pulled out when you feel like having a warm cookie or two with a class of milk.

5. This is my latest, awesomest trick: cook your cookie dough balls in muffin tins. I have reusable muffin cups and they worked awesome! Make sure to let the cookie cool a bit before you pull it out, otherwise it'll probably fall apart.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Hello Old Friend...

I breathe a sigh of relief as I sit down to write this. Comfy on the couch with my man next to me, my feet in cozy slipper that don’t touch the floor because our couches are the kind that you sink into and I’m too short. It’s been almost 2 months. 2 months since I’ve sat down to write. No blogging for 2 months feels like an old friend that I haven’t seen for in a long time. There’s just so much to say, so much to catch upon. There’s Christmas, adjusting back to work, organizing what feels like a ballizzion events at work, filled evenings with friends and trying to start the New Year with less clutter and more organization. Before I can even beginning to dive back into the world of blogging, I need to catch you up....

It's been a considerably colder winter than last year. We've had more snow and more ridiculous wind chills. Our pipes have frozen three times when the basement just got way too cold to handle it. We've since added some type of heat tape or something fancy like that. It wraps around the pipe and keeps it warm. Whoever invented it is my newest favorite person because I definitely prefer showering at my own house as opposed to walking across the snow-blown, wind-swept yard to the in-laws.

 Remington has never seen so much snow. This is only his second winter and since last year was so mild, he's had a bit of a shocker! He doesn't last out in the cold for very long, but loves the warmer days when he can sprint in the snow, kicking it everywhere. We've spent a lot of time in the kitchen trying new recipes, organizing closets and catching up on one of the 10 seasons of Friends.

With event planning and other work duties, the Hubs' busy schedule with school and work and then finding time to invest in each other and friends and family, it's been an awesome first 2 months of the year. I've starting working out again. I've starting different time management skills. I've pursued more friendships and been digging deeper into my marriage. I've been working on quiet times and being still. I've been enjoying the past 2 months, but missed this- missed writing, missed chatting.

Here's to a new start, to a new year- even if it is already February!
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