Thursday, March 1, 2012

Excuse My Honesty.

I sat in a Starbucks last night. It was already dark outside and my tall decaf pike's roast was the perfect drink after a long snow storm. Storms always seem to bring about feelings of reflection and some soul searching. I've found after 25 whole years of life that instead of fighting when my heart wants to search for answers, it is best to just give in and allow the reflection to take it's course. Last night, feelings of being overwhelmed and being left behind Those are tough feelings, especially at once.

Being overwhelmed seems to be a common ground that most women have stood on at one point. Married, single, mothers, wives and daughters. Why is it that we women seem to often try to carry the weight of the world through our housework, work, marriages and anything else we take onto our plates. I am guilty of this too. Despite my plate being only so big, despite my daily reminder to myself that I am only one woman, I still try too much. I still often try too hard.

Along with being overwhelmed, it often seems as though women are only looking forward to the next step. We all long for the time when we'll have that special man in our lives. Then, we move onto waiting for the special ring on our finger. Once we're engaged, we wait for marriage, then kids. I know not all women fits in every category, but I'm sure you can relate to in some way to waiting for the next stage, the next step. Even with the best intentions and motivations, it's hard to wait. It's hard to wait when others are pursuing their dreams. It's hard to wait when others are moving onto the next step, going to school, getting new jobs or having kids. Sometimes, I feel like I'm being left behind.

So, what are we to do? Women, what are we going to do when we find ourselves at a Starbucks, reading our Bible and writing out prayers? How do we deal in a way that honors how God made us? That acknowledges who we are in Christ? Who we are as women in Christ? Honestly, I don't have the answer or the answers to make it all better. I think that struggling with some of these things are part of who we are as women. Yet, I know that there is hope in understanding that we were made this way. I was made to feel, to cry, to empathize, to comfort, to desire.

The only answer I could find while sitting at Starbucks, wondering where these feelings were coming from, was to acknowledge my feelings. It sounds silly. It sounds even sillier writing it out. Yet, that's what I did. I acknowledged my feelings and emotions. Sometimes, I feel as though I'm pressured to hide my feelings. As if showing my feelings means that I am weak or incompetent as a woman. Sounds crazy? I'm sure I am not the only one feeling this.

So I start with acknowledging my feelings. Where do I go with that? I began praying, using scripture to express how I feel. I listened to music, Jason Mraz to be specific. I let myself feel and that's how it worked yesterday at Starbucks. Last night, I felt overwhelmed and left behind, and it was okay.

Here is the Jason Mraz song that 
I listened to one repeat last night:

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
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