Usually dark valleys do not come with any surprise. The bright mountain top fades as you slowly sink down in the dark valley. Emotions change and you can feel it every step of the way. The people around you can attest to your mood swinging a different direction. Dark valleys gradually surround us, but we sense and experience it every step of the way. Perhaps that is what makes valleys so much more difficult as we can see the brightness fading. We know what once was but will no longer be. At least for the time being.
I think I am in a valley. I'm not sure if I am on the down-swing or up-swing of things. The reason I say, "I think" is because I drove home from work last night with the uttermost sense of overwhelming-ness (Yes, that is a word and the only one that describes this). I had tears in my eyes as I thought of all that the Hubs and I have gone through looking for jobs... learning how to go through this journey as a couple... learning how to adjust to married life both the good and not-so-easy... learning how to be a housewife (maybe someday I will enjoy laundry and washing dishes, but let's be realistic people...) and how downright tired I felt. The overwhelmingness I felt wasn't that I can't do it. It wasn't that I just cannot go on, I think it was God getting my attention and working in my heart to see that I need to acknowledge these feelings. For me acknowledging is dwelling, shedding a few tears, writing from my heart and processing. Acknowledgment allows me to move forward, to see a bigger perspective and the bigger picture, to see what is ahead.
This valley is a shallow one. I can see brightness on either side, both behind and ahead of me. I can see all of the incredible things the Hubs and I have learned, how our relationship has blossomed just in the several months we have been married. Behind us lies solid testimony to God's ability to work in what seem impossibly dark and discouraging circumstances. But now that we have moved forward in time, we can see God was moving through everything. It makes me hopeful for tomorrow and what that may bring. This shallow valley cannot last long because of the hope I have and the joy I cling to. Sometimes when valleys are inevitable, you must choose to look up, not down. It sounds crazy, but I'm going to do my darnist to make this valley as bright as I can. Bring it on!
‘What is essential is
invisible to the eye’
invisible to the eye’
says the fox in The Little Prince
by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry